Funny autobiography titles ideas

The Top Ten: Worst autobiography titles

This list was suggested by this magazine's editor, Mike Higgins, when he saw that Rio Ferdinand's memoir was called '#2Sides'. Ben Stanley nominated 'Auto Da Fay', by Fay Weldon, while Michael Crick nominated 'It's About A Ball', by Alan Ball, but those are both superb.

1. 'Losing My Virginity' by Richard Branson. Nominated by John McTernan.

2. 'They Made a Monkee out of Me' by Davy Jones. From Chris White.

3. 'Momentum' by Mo Mowlam Lovely author; appalling play on words. Suggested by Tom Doran.

4. 'If I Did It' by OJ Simpson. On grounds of distaste rather than lack of taste. From Issy Flamel.

5. 'Rags to Richie' by Shane Richie. From The G-Man.

6. 'In the Time of Nick' by Nick Owen. Nearly brilliant by the newsreader. Nominated by Sam Freedman.

7. 'Fan Dabi Dozi' by the Krankies. To compound the horror, the foreword is by Max Bygraves. Issy Flamel again.

8. 'Watt's My Name' by boxer Jim Watt. Nominated by someone going under the name "And Pseudoreality Wins".

9. 'Tosh' by John Toshack. Footballer's memoir nomina

The worst-titled football autobiographies of all time

They say never judge a book by its cover. But no-one has ever said ‘never judge a footballer’s autobiography by its terrible name’. So, today, we’re going to do just that.

Despite never winning the awards they deserve, football autobiographies are, inarguably, the greatest gift to literature since Chaucer. A maverick attitude towards grammar – check. References to obscure noughties footballers – you got it. Entire chapters dedicated to Nigel Worthington kicking a skip – in the case of Darren Huckerby’s autobiography, you better believe it.

They’re somehow at the same time both mind-numbingly formulaic and wildly unpredictable. Which is why 1) We love them and 2) We’re EXTREMELY grateful there’s so many of them.

In fact, until recently we didn’t realise just how many obscure nineties and noughties players have put pen to paper. We all know Zlatan, Pirlo, Roy Keane. But who knew Garry Monk wrote one all the way back in 2012? Or that, just as confusingly, Grant Holt released one three months ago (and it is

I’m a big champion of the celebrity book. I personally love reading a memoir by someone with pop culture insight, especially women or people of color who might have otherwise been oppressed and marginalized and unable to tell their side of the story until now. There are a lot of great books written by celebrities, both fiction and nonfiction, and I enjoy correcting the misleading narrative that all celebrities are just handed out big book deals regardless of whether they actually have something to say. Usually.

The fact of the matter is that a celebrity writing a book is most likely famous for something other than writing, which is where ghostwriters and writing partners come into play. But even then, sometimes a celebrity is in fact handed a book deal because they’re going to sell books as opposed to publishing something worthwhile. We can still love the celebrity for whatever they became famous for and what they excel at, but if their book made this list I gathered of the worst celebrity books, that probably means you can avoid hitting that “want to read” button.

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